From (Almost) All the Goodnight Moon Parodies, Ranked by Emily Temple.

In the great green-certified room

There was a smartphone

And a silver spoon

And a picture of—

A high-contrast, brain-stimulating black-and-white moon

And there was a musical concert by Baby Mozart

And high window guards

And French flash cards

And a fireplace safety gate

And toys without phthalate

And a sterilizer and bottle brush and bowl full of organic mush

And a bilingual nanny who was whispering “hush”