The future lies ahead

Coming soon to District 5: cool popcorn

Have to check in with DIEHIPSTER.COM every now and then to see what the future holds for San Francisco. On food trucks:

Looks like the cats out the bag on hipsters and their kidult lemonade stands artisanal food trucks. Most are either barely breaking even, losing money, or closing up. But is this really a surprise? Pretty much all hipster businesses fail because these are some of the most spoiled, lazy, privileged people on earth. The reason these food trucks can even last a couple of years is because no matter how little they make, the hipsters can always call back home to Michigan or Connecticut or New Hampshire or Ohio and have their bills and rent paid in Bushpointburg while they continue their LOOOOOK AT MEEEEEE lifestyles selling pulled pork popsicles, fried mac ‘n’ breastmilk cheese, and pesto-infused ice cream out of their Scooby-Doo vans while dressed like a British Royal Guard with a Bill the Butcher moustache in Converse sneakers. I’m so glad these fake fucking “foodies” are failing. Remember when all there was were your typical coffee and bagel carts; your dirty water dog and pretzel cart; and then finally the halal and street meat carts. Those were all cheap enough and good enough. And then: Zane, Harrison, Morgan, Megan, Ulysses, Walker, Baker, Zooey, Summer, Reid, Penelope, Hayden, Tristan, and Brent start popping up with $14 lobster roll trucks; fluorescent pink trucks selling $5 cupcakes and ice cream cups; “authentic” kale and fish taco trucks run by some eggshell toned beardo from some farm in Iowa. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!